By Sandye Linnetz, Systems Goddess
You don’t have to be old to remember the “good old days”. You can be ten and have great memories… and, hey, when you’re ten, last year was a long time ago, right? Whatever our age, we have a past, a slew of holiday memories, and volumes of assumptions about how the holidays are going to be. These assumptions or expectations are based on our past experiences, which we lovingly refer to as memories.
Along with winter and shopping frenzy, December brings us Miracle on 34th Street, a favorite holiday movie. Most of us lose it every time little Susan Walker (Natalie Wood) finds Santa’s cane next to the fireplace. I remember watching it with my family when I was a child and, later, with my own children. It’s a magical, feel good movie – and instrumental in forming those holiday expectations. We assume that there will be bad guys and problems… followed by magic and miracles.
Based on the past, most of us expect everyone and everything to be “just like it’s always been”. Cousin Barry and his family will be late. The Turners will be early. Aunt Ruth will pinch your cheeks and call you Cupcake. Uncle Frank will eat too much and fall asleep. Great Aunt Lorraine will give you pajamas and Grandpa will get indigestion from overeating.
We may be adults, yet we act like children around our siblings. We get silly, loud and physical. Is it any wonder that we are “listened to”, and treated, as if we were still ten year olds? In the spirit of the traditional holiday season, we loose our sense of holiday “present”.
So, that’s what we bring to the party. We show up with lots of presents… and a whole lotta PAST! At holiday time we carry the past in our pockets, so empty those pockets… and get PRESENT!
BE A GENEROUS LISTENER
This year practice Generous Listening; listen for what is really important to your family -how they feel about things (which may mean listening for what is NOT being said). This will force you to really pay attention to them and allow you to listen for their points of view. If you’re not sure what they mean, ask. Listen first to understand them… then think about being understood by them. Give your family your full attention – your presence.
BE INTERESTED
Create your family as new. Be interested. Pretend you've never met any of them before. Be curious. Be engaging. Ask questions. Listen to what they have to say. Ask them what's going on in their lives. Ask them what’s new. Some may think you were abducted by aliens and given a lobotomy, but most will respond positively to your new, genuine interest in their lives. Here’s an idea: ask each of them to tell you something that you didn’t know about them… then sit back and be prepared to be amazed! The sleigh bells will be ringing… will you be listening?
IMAGINE MIRACLES… AND BE READY FOR ANYTHING
When it comes to holiday time with the family, expect the best… JOYFUL MIRACLES, and still be prepared for some degree of sadness, anxiety, disconnect and conflict - not like it will ruin the holidays - more like it can keep things “interesting”.
ENJOY THE DIVERSITY
If you are a typical family of the 2000s, you are a diverse, eclectic group. Plan to both honor and enjoy that. Consider that you and your family have a “way” that you’ve always been with each other and that “way” is likely to show up again this year. This is not about resisting that, or whatever happens – it’s about fully experiencing it… and getting value out of all of it.
BE “HOLIDAY PRESENT”
Keep your attention on “now”. Don’t think, compare, recall… just BE. Stay in the moment. Participation, conversation, connection and love are all part of a great holiday “present”… Engage the family in that gift. One size fits all and the return policy brings smiles.
Happy Holiday Magic!
| Tweet |
Leave a comment